At A Moments Notice...

I have this habit of disappearing. A lot. But moreso when I'm stressed, or tired, or pissed, or energized, or just plain moody. To be honest I really need no reason to just up and disappear. If the wind blows that way, and I'm feeling rather cranky, I flow.

Many of my friends and family know this so they understand my disappearance has nothing to do with them and that I'm just exercising my right to do me. Alone. But um, the wierdest thing usually happens the moment I venture onto a haitus. I get lonely. I start feeling like I have no friends, no one to talk to, no one who truly understands my pain or my need for a haitus.

Time out.

That's what I need to start calling it, Time Out. Time Out for me. I get so pre-occupied with all the shit going on in my life all the time (bills, relationship, career, writing, friends, family, etc.) that I just need time for me. Time to think, re-evaluate, rationalize, realize and re-juvenize. And I do that. At a moments notice...I'm gone. History. CD has left the building.

And for a while I'm good. I'm free. Alive. Well. Happy.

Until...well, until I realize I'm alone. And the cycle begins again.

What makes the cycle difficult? The return. I get stuck.

Remember Matrix Revolutions when Neo wakes up to find himself in a desserted train station, and the train operator denies him freedom with the words: "Down here I make the rules. Down here I'm God." And Neo finds himself stuck in this place between the real world and the not so real world. Well, that's where I end up. In a place I both love and hate. A world I created, but can't fucking control.

I know you kats think I'm crazy but seriously, I have to literally will myself out of this empty-unfulfilling place. And the shit ain't easy. A brother has to use all of his Jedi mind-tricks to break free.

Luckily I was able to summon the powers of Grey-skull to get me to D.C. this weekend where I was blessed enough to meet up with some of my main blog peeps King Sexy, Papa Doc, and He Ain't Really Shy. I also got a chance to meet Isn't She Lovely, who came through like nigga who? nigga wha'?

But the highlight of the D.C. trip came when I had the opportunity to meet many of the esteemed writers I call brethern (& sisteren) in the word. A whole new crop of writers landed smack dabb in the middle of the Washington D.C. Convention Center with only one goal in mind: to punish, serve and read...books that is. The crew included: Lee Hayes, of
Passion Marks fame; Michael-Christopher of the Living the Life series, Tim'm West, author of the critically acclaimed Red Dirt Revival, Laurinda D. Brown and her latest release Undercover, Tony Manson and his powerful first effort When You Don't Know, Brent Carpenter and his novels Man of the Cloth and This Time Around, and the one and only Belasco, who unfortunately was the only writer I did not get the chance to meet.

Each of the above writers inspired me to get my ass back on track. Their dedication to getting the word out about their respective novels and future products was enough for me to light a camp fire under my ass. As the saying goes, I've got work to do...and even though I'm stressed, and the light sometimes seems to get hella dim right around the time it's time for me to work, I will presevere. Because right now, its my time.

Ready of not, here I come.